how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
