Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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