im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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