No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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