i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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