i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
