Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
