when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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