This is not my ceiling
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize