just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
