He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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