so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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