"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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