Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize