so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
