he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize