For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i think im in europe. pls send help
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
