I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
