I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
