is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
