That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
