Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
