Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
