my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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