; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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