i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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