yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
