we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
