I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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