he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize