she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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