what day is it and did you see me today?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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