you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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