I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
