i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it because I queefed?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
