the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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