my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
