I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
