She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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