No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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