So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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