That's intense
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
