He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
