i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
