Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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