ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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