i need an iv and a liver transplant
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
