ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
