if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
