Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
