atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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