ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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