can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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