Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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