Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
