remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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