I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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