Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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