dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
